You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
