His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
