your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
