Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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