no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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