I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
