Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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