That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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