hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
