We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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