there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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