We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
