remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
is it fun? or sober?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize