Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
