So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize