Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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