I wish my penis had an off switch
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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