Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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