Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
