Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
