speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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