There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
