Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
