I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
