I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just want to make out with him forever
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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