Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
