I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
