Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
