I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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