just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
