my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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