just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
