I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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