he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
