Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
