If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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