I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
