EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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