i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
