Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
