Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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