I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
