I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
false alarm, still single
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
