The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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