Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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