so explain again why im purple
no
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
