Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
