hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize