Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
