Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
