Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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