i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
not ubering you a puppy
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
