I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
