chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you would pick up someone in the library
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
