Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
