I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
