So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
