if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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