just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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