i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
