you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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