Pappa wants mamma naked
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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