I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize