never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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