$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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